Dear Me.....

Dear Me,
I want to tell you that you need to calm down about all this TTC stuff. You need to understand that things happen when they are supposed to. I know you are obsessed with control, but unfortunately this is one thing you cannot control and need to accept that. You have an amazing husband, loving family and friends, finally a career you love and four "furry babies" that love you unconditionally. Most importantly, I want you to know that the stress and anxiety you are bringing upon yourself is not helping! You need to love yourself, embrace the life you have now and be patient for what the future holds.
Love, Me

I have needed to write this letter to myself since the day Hubby told me he was ready for a baby. What I mean by this, is that I knew I would work myself up as this process continued. I was excited the first month of TTC, and now on month 3, I am driving myself crazy that something is wrong, when I know its normal to take as much as 1 year to conceive. To help with controlling my anxiety, I read a lot of blogs and TTC boards. It makes me feel better that I am not the only woman out there who drives herself crazy with random TTC thoughts throughout the day.

So here's where I stand after writing myself that letter to myself. I am going to try really really hard to hide my OPKs and thermometer. I was told tonight "Stop making a baby and start having sex." (Basically translated into - "Will you please start having fun having sex with your husband?!!!) I know I have this whole process backwards. I should have done what I promised my husband and just had fun in the beginning and worried about the temperatures and OPKs down the line, but you live and you learn (and then you slap yourself on the forehead and say "snap out of it!")

One last thought - I have spent the last 10 years of my life trying to avoid getting pregnant. I find it extremely ironic that I am now doing everything and anything in my power to try to get pregnant. Life is very, very funny. I am trying really, really hard to laugh.