Life is Testing Me....

Today was a tough day. The first I am sure of many and a good test for how Hubby and I will handle what happens along the way. I went in for routine blood work a little over a week ago. I am not a fan of needles, but since this was the 4th or 5th time I have had to do this, I am starting to get used to the ongoing poking and prodding of my veins. I was told not to expect any phone calls from the Doctor unless something came back on the blood work that was a concern. The concern I wasn't expecting came today.

The nurse from my doctor's office called today to tell me that everything came back on the blood work fine - iron levels, hepatitis negative, etc, except I tested positive for the Cystic Fibrosis (CF) mutation. Long story short, if Hubby also carries this mutation, our baby has a 25% chance of having CF. Needless to say, Hubby was having his blood drawn during his lunch hour today.

This news today was an unexpected blow but surprisingly not a shock. I don't know if its a bad or good thing, but I was familiar with this situation, as my best friend went through this exact same situating when she was pregnant with her son last year. She was a wreck during the entire process and wasn't okay till her husband tested negative. Thank god for my ongoing therapy, or I imagine I would have broken down and been a wreck myself at work today. I was able to hold myself together remembering not to worry until we really have a reason to worry. Don't get me wrong, I am not taking this news lightly. The idea of something being wrong with this baby or even having to face the decision on how to move forward knowing our baby would have something wrong with it or even worse, could die at birth or very shortly after is incomprehensible to me. I haven't thought about it yet and haven't really wanted to.

This news today also opened a new "can of worms" concerning the genetic testing we are supposed to schedule for week 12 to rule out Down Syndrome and other genetic disorders/diseases. Before today, Hubby and I had decide to move forward with this testing, wanting to know all that we would be dealing with and if there was something wrong, making sure we had time to be prepared for it. However, getting a phone call saying there could potentially be something wrong with the baby is not something I want to get used to. If my Doctor could promise that the 12 week screening would come back 100% okay or the results could even be immediate, I might be less hesitant to move forward with these tests, but after the phone call today I'm having 2nd thoughts. After some conversations this evening though, Hubby and I did decide that the 12 week testing is something we are going to do. I have mixed feelings, but if we can get through a bump in the road concerning this CF issue, we can deal with anything. We love each other and know we will love this baby more then anything.

I may be a control freak and have issues with anxiety, but I know that part of being ready for motherhood involved giving up this control and becoming less anxious very quickly. This process hasn't been easy but I feel I am making more progress everyday. Life is throwing me tests all the time, hence today's phone call. I am becoming a stronger person and I know its going to make me an even better parent then I would have been. So, test away life. Keep throwing me curve balls. I am ready for whatever happens.

Halfway There....

To keep my friends and family who read this blog updated, I've decided to post these weekly updates. Hope you enjoy!

how far along: 7 weeks! Halfway through the 1st trimester!

total weight gain/loss: so far, so good - no gain according to my home scale

maternity clothes: none yet, but am feeling very bloated and some pants feel tight at certain times

stretch marks: before or after pregnancy? hehe

sleep: other then getting up to pee in the early mornings, still not a problem

best moment this week: being able to tell some close friends and Hubby's family about the baby

movement: nope, not for a long while!

food cravings: is it normal to be craving all bad food this early?! french fries, Doritos, ice cream, etc. I'm waiting for the fruit and veggie cravings to kick in!

gender: 13 weeks to go before we find this out! Hubby thinks its a girl though. :)

what I'm looking forward to this week: being able to tell some more (very limited few) friends

Arriving May 8th, 2011!!!

Look what I'm getting for Mother's Day next year?

Today marks 6 weeks 1 day pregnant and we were able to see a heartbeat today that measured 120. The doctor said everything looked great!! Here comes our May Baby!!

(Daddy's Birthday is actually May 13th so this will be the best birthday present he has got in awhile!)

Mommy (And Daddy) Can't Wait for Monday!

Forgive me for the break in posting. It got a little crazy for a few days with work and then Hubby and I went out of town for a Wedding, but now we are back and in full "Mommy" and "Daddy" mode.

Tomorrow is my 1st ultrasound and Tuesday is my 1st doctor appointment "post BFP", so this week will be a huge week in making sure everything is progressing as it should be. Even though my beta numbers came back great and I have been having the expected pregnancy symptoms, I still have this pit in my stomach that something is going to go wrong at tomorrow's ultrasound. My worst fear is that they can't find anything or there is no heartbeat and I have to face the truth that we lost or will be losing the baby, but that is the extreme worst case scenario. "Positive thinking" is the new motto in our house, so thinking the worst is the worst thing I can do for Hubby, Me and most importantly Baby-to-be.

With positive thoughts in mind, I am going into tomorrow's ultrasound with an open mind and honest excitement. Pregnancy hasn't felt real for me yet, even with all the symptoms I have, so I know seeing something tomorrow or even hearing a heartbeat this early, will definitely help with making everything more a reality. I will keep everyone posted as soon as we get done with tomorrow's ultrasound. Hopefully it will be with exciting news and maybe even baby's 1st picture!!

Houston...We Have a Due Date! (We think)

I found a great website tonight that helped me make sense of my cycle this last month and exactly how far along I think I am. According to this page, tomorrow would be the end of week 5 for me, which makes totally sense with my beta levels, my last AF and how far along I feel like I am. So, I'm making an executive decision at this point - I am 5 weeks along. (Until something or someone else tells me different!)

Estimated Due Date - April 22, 2011!!!!

Another Update - 48 hrs later!

Blood work results for today (48 hrs later) = 1636. According to the nurse I spoke to, this number is definitely a sign of good things, since my levels not only doubled, but actually tripled.

According to my doctor's office, at this point, it seems to be too soon to do an ultrasound, since they would like my number to be above 2000 before anything could be seen. The nurse I spoke to said she would like the doctor to read over the results as well as give me another week of growth before we move forward with anything else. She says by this time next week, if things are moving along as they should be (and I have had no excessive bleeding or severe cramping), we should be able to at that time schedule an ultrasound since my number will be above the required level and I should be at minimum 6-7 weeks, which is a more appropriate time frame to start seeing anything with the baby.

From what the blood work and beta numbers revealed, we are estimating I am about 4-5 weeks pregnant. According to when I ovulated, I'm closer to 4 weeks, but since my cycle was so messed up this last month, I could also be wrong with when I even ovulated, so I would rather be conservative with estimating and go with the 4-5 weeks. Unfortunately, we have to wait until we have an ultrasound done to have an exact due date and estimate when we concieved. I don't mind being conservative with estimating anyway since I feel telling people too soon can make it harder to deal with any problems that might come up and have to risk telling everyone you know that something happened to the baby.

My parents are coming up this weekend for lunch, so we have decided to to tell them this weekend and possibly may tell Hubby's Mom this week or weekend since we would like our parents to know around the same time. Other then the very limited amount of friends that read this blog on a regular basis (like 1 person - Hi my favorite invitation lady!), we really haven't revealed to anyone that we are expecting and have decided to wait till we see the baby on the ultrasound before we tell the rest of the family and other close friends. Keeping quiet is not easy! Thank god for this blog or I would have a very sore tongue from biting it all day!!!